Bicentennial Man (1999):

Starring:

Robin Williams - Andrew

Embeth Davidtz - Amanda Martin / Portia Charney

Sam Neill - Richard Martin

Oliver Platt - Rupert Burns

Kiersten Warren - Galatea

Wendy Crewson - Mrs. Martin

Hallie Kate Eisenberg - Amanda Martin (Age 7)

Lindze Letherman - Grace Marrtin (Age 9)

Angela Landis - Grace Martin

John Michael Higgins - Bill Feingold

Bradley Whitford - Lloyd Charney

Stephen Root - Dennis Mansky

Director:

Chris Columbus (Percy Jackson & The Olympians; Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone; Mrs. Doubtfire)

Synopsis:

"Bicentennial Man," follows the life and times of the title character, an android, who is purchased as a household robot programmed to perform menial tasks. The Martin family quickly learns that they don't have an ordinary robot as Andrew begins to experience emotions and creative thought. In a story that spans two centuries, Andrew learns the intricacies of humanity, life and love.

Review:

Ugh OK we get it. Robin Williams can play a robot. Did we really need to make it into a full length feature film? This is what Sam Neill follows up Jurassic Park & Event Horizon with this P.o.S.? UGH! I've wasted my time on some terrible, terrible films in the past. I've even given a lot of wiggle room to children's films in the past. But this one is just beyond garbage. Teaching non-humanoid beings to be human. THEN WHY MAKE NON-HUMANOIDS!!!!! If your creating androids to not be like humans so they can essentially be your slaves. Then why the hell are you training one to be a human? JUST GET A MEXICAN NANNY!!!!! It's the same damn thing. I guess with a Mexican nanny you don't get the stupid clever "wit" of Robin Williams & his incredibly stupid dialogue. The scene where Neill is attempting to teach robot-robin what comedy is & they practically workout the least funny way of doing the "who's on first" premise of jokes. Then once he figures out jokes he tells the most unfunny combination of "PG" 90's jokes that weren't funny then & are even less relevant watching them being told now. THEN you get the most disgusting inappropriate story twist that you will ever get. Amanda, who is now all grown up, totally wants to BANG robot-robin, a fucking robot that has raised her since she was 7.....she is torn about accepting the marriage proposal of her boyfriend because she wants to be with someone else. Then when robot-robin says "then marry your friend" she insists on saying well that couldn't be because I would never be able to be with my friend. SHE WANTS TO BANG A ROBOT!!!!! Then once he discovers that he can have his own freedom to do what he wants. Sam Neill is furious that he wants to leave him, even after he has practically taught him since day one to be his own personal thinking being. So then he kicks him out of the house to go be on his own, he builds a shack on the beach & builds a fire to sit by. WHY THE HELL DOES HE NEED A FIRE, HE'S A ROBOT. You're telling me that he is cold or can't see in the dusk? He's a damn robot & he doesn't have night vision? So after the death of Sam Neill, he decides that he wants to go on a journey to find other androids like himself, to figure out what his destiny is. As he is travelling he writes a letters to Amanda to let her know what he has discovered. In a world with holograms, androids & futuristic cars, they are still writing LETTERS!?!?! No one has discovered a new way of getting information to another person on the other side of the country in a world like this? Even in 1999 they had fax machines.... and this is the best they could do? Everything else moves into the future, but communication moves back into the Civil War era. Then he meets female robot version of himself. Played by Kiersten Warren (maybe the most annoying female version of Robin Williams they could find). Now if you weren't already disgusted by the fact that she wants to bang a robot that only slightly looks like Robin Williams, just wait until they give him a prosthetic face that IS Robin Williams. It was fine when he just resembled Albert Nobbs, but now you have to look at ole woolly mammoth face Robin Williams in all his covered head to toe in body hair glory. The man behind the face remodel is none other than Jimmy King himself, Oliver Platt. Now, in a world where Oliver Platt, I guess Dr. Jimmy King, can give an android the face of a human, & this specific android has the capability to understand emotions & feelings. I would be pretty goddamn pissed off if of all the faces to give me, I was given Robin Williams face. Outright full blown outrage that I would have to go around looking like this half man, half gorilla. So now we are 70+ years into the past & Andrew is hanging around with Amanda's granddaughter (who looks exactly like her). He eventually figures out how to give himself a working central nervous system & work organs transplanted inside of himself. So to prove that he can make it work, for all those people who were let down by the fact that earlier in the film there was no inter-being romance....THEY KISS!, now he's become a pervy robot-robin who is trying to get his dick greasy. I was let down by the lack of tit grab. So this makes Portia mad, they have a fight, she doesn't want to see him anymore. Then Dr. Jimmy King develops the ability to make Andrew into a "Complete man". WHY ARE WE GIVING ROBOTS WIENERS NOW!?!?!?! Does he really need the ability to bang human women? There was a line, it was crossed 45 minutes back. And it only goes further.... NOW Portia (who's grandmother also wanted to bang robot-robin....) wants to bang robot-robin too. What the hell is wrong with the genetic make up of this goddamn family? I've heard of having a foot fetish, or even pee fetish. But a android fetish? WHAT THE HELL!?!?!? Now sadly we do NOT get a robot-robin sex scene, but we do get the robot-robin POST sex scene. Now robot-robin goes before a world court to make it legal for a Robot & a human woman to get married but is turned down because he still has a robot brain. Now we are 110+ years after the beginning of the film. Portia is now 75, but apparently still banging robot-robin, yuck. The climax consists of Portia realizing her impending mortality, robot-robin wanting to finally become a full human & age & die, have a blood transfusion that will degrade his system & allow him to die. Now with a prosthetic face, WHY does it age? Even if he has an interior system of organs & nervous system etc, his face isn't skin, so why does it age? Unless he is asking to constantly get a face replacement. But even so, Oliver Platt's character who is like 90 now, has to have died in the 40 years it took him to age.... The final scene, highly contested topic in the year 2090 or whatever it is, Robot Assisted Suicide.

Budget: $100,000,000

Box Office: $87,423,861

Profit: -$12,576,139

Rotten Tomatoes: 37%

Flixster: 58%

23%

Lead Acting: 4/15

Supporting Cast: 4/15

Plot: 2/10

Compared To The Genre: 0/10

Cinematography: 6/20

Intrigue: 5/20

Extra: 2/10